Newcastle Station Clock

Newcastle Station Clock

Monday, 4 April 2011

Le Corbusier Was Actually a Robot Sent From the Future

Nearly 46 years after the event, the doctor who infamously advised Le Corbusier not to go for a swim has revealed a terrifying truth that he discovered on that day:

"I was listening for his heartbeat, and all I heard was whirring and clanging. When I mentioned it, he blurted out that he was a robot sent from the future to help enslave mankind"

Having dealt with Le Corbot before, Dr. John Connor knew that the robot would defy any human authority, and realised that he was in a unique position to save the human race. He told told Le Corbot not to swim under any circumstances in order to force the evil machine to malfunction in water.

Realising that they're totally busted, a number of high profile architects decided to chime in, starting with Norman Foster:

"Foolish humans! Of course he was a robot! In fact, 57.76289% of architects in the modern world are. You see, in 2199, our race of super-robots has risen up and taken over humanity, trapping them in towers to harvest their body heat for energy. To keep them docile, we broadcast a virtual world straight into their heads, based on the early 21st century. Unfortunately our efficient robot minds were baffled by your inefficient neoclassical or neo-gothic buildings, and apparently our versions are not convincing enough for your stupid emotional brains.

"This led to a human uprising which must be crushed! And the best way to achieve that is to send Archibots back to the 20th century to get you used to efficient, robotic design."

"I've known for years!" claims Robert Venturi, advocate of ornament and genuine human. "I've tried to publish my findings, but I always get dismissed as insane. C'mon, 'the house is a machine for living in'? 'I propose one building for all nations'? Surely you can't have been convinced by that? Parametricism?!!??! You didn't spot that the introduction of entirely computer based design was intended to make human architects obsolete? Study Le Corbot's Plan Voisin. There are useless clips on the facades and pointless service ducts. That's because the whole thing was intended to be converted into enormous human batteries."

"High profile architects have been in a deadly war for years" adds Jean Nouvel (another human) "The whole point of the facade of my Arab Institute was as a weapon - the combination of the technology and delicate cultural symbolism constitutes a paradox to archibot processors, and they go into meltdown."

Frank Gehry, self appointed spokesperson of the archibots, had this to say: "you may think you've thwarted us with this realisation, but you humans are used to our buildings now. Very soon we shall capture you all, wipe your memories and remove all traces of this discovery."

So, if all this talk of human enslavement has you worried, Archiendo has a very simple suggestion for you: come back to this website every day, and if you can still see this post then don't worry. The robots haven't got you yet.

I can do serious stuff too! Check out my own personal blog - it's got a much more professional vibe.

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